Human Speech That Proves We Are Going Downhill Fast


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People telling us their faith in humanity has been restored is a common story. It’s good news when it happens because it doesn’t happen very often.

However, the short stories that follow depict the times we live in. These are stories that, instead of boosting our faith in people, tend to erode it.

These are some stories that are sure to make you giggle. They may be real even though they seem ludicrous because you have most likely already seen it happen.

1: I paid the clerk a $5 bill when my spouse and I passed through the McDonald’s driveway window. Since we had $4.25 total, I also gave her 25 cents. You gave me too much money, she remarked. “I do know,” I replied, “but this way you can just give me back a dollar.” With a sigh, she proceeded to fetch the manager, who asked me to reiterate what I had asked. After I done that, he gave me back the 25 cents and apologized, saying, “We don’t do that kind of thing.” I was then given 75 cents back in change by the cashier. Don’t be perplexing to the folks at MacD’s.

2: The garage door needed to be fixed. The repairman informed us that one of the issues we were having was that the opener’s motor was not “large” enough. After giving it some thought, I stated that we had the largest one produced at the time—a 1/2 horsepower. He answered, “You need a 1/4 horsepower,” shaking his head. He exclaimed, “NOOO, it’s not,” when I said that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. Two is not as large as four. Since then, we haven’t used that repairman.

3: My neighborhood is semi-rural. The DEER CROSSING sign on our road needs to be taken down, according to a recent request from a new neighbor who called the local city council office. The rationale is that “cars are hitting too many deer out here!” This isn’t a safe area for kids to be traversing anymore, in my opinion.

4: FOOD SERVING IDIOT SIGHTINGS. My daughter placed an order for a taco at a Mexican fast-food restaurant. She requested “minimum lettuce” from the person behind the desk. They only had iceberg lettuce, he apologized.

An airport worker inquired, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” as I was checking in at the gate. “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know,” I retorted. With a knowing smile, he nodded and said, “That’s why we ask.”

6: When it’s safe to cross the street, the pedestrian light on the corner beeps. My “intellectually challenged” coworker and I were crossing paths. I was asked what the purpose of the beeper was by her. I clarified that when the light becomes red, it alerts those who are blind. “What on earth are blind people doing driving?” she exclaimed, horrified. She works for the government.

7: My spouse and I were informed that the keys had been left inside our automobile when we went to pick it up from a dealership after a servicing. When we arrived at the service department, a mechanic was frantically trying to unlock the driver’s side door. I tried the door handle out of impulse as I observed from the passenger side and found it to be unlocked. I called out to the technician, “Hey, it’s open!” “I know,” was his response. I completed that side already.

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Bessie

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