When my husband Jake presented me a timetable to help me “become a better wife,” I was taken aback. But I went along with it rather than losing my cool. Jake had no idea that I was going to give him a lesson that would cause him to reconsider his recently adopted marital philosophy.
I’ve always taken great satisfaction in being the sensible one in our union. Jake, God bless him, was easily drawn into new hobbies or sucked by some odd YouTube video that claimed to make a big difference in his life in three simple steps.However, before Jake met Steve, we were strong.
Steve was the kind of guy who, in his loud and opinionated way, thought he was right and would shout over you if you tried to correct him. And, guess what? He was a guy who was always single.
who gave all his married coworkers, including Jake, kind marital advise. Jake ought to have known better, but my sweetie was utterly enamored with Steve’s self-assurance.It went unnoticed until Jake began to make some offensive remarks.”Steve says that when the wife is in charge of the household, relationships work best,” he would say.
Alternatively, “Steve believes that regardless of how long a woman has been married, it’s important for her to look good for her husband.” It was starting to get on my nerves, so I would roll my eyes and respond with something caustic. Jake was evolving.
God forbid that I have a full-time job of my own, so he would sigh when I let the laundry pile up and raise an eyebrow if I ordered takeout instead of cooking. Then it took place. He brought The List home with him one evening.
He pulled out a piece of paper, pushed it across to me, and sat me down at the kitchen table. He began, “I’ve been thinking,” exuding a condescending tone that I had not heard from him before. “Lisa, you make a fantastic wife. Still, there is space for development.
My brows furrowed. “Oh really?” He nodded, not realizing he was about to enter a dangerous area. Indeed. Steve assisted me in realizing that if you only put in a little more effort, our marriage may be much greater.I fixed my gaze on the paper before me.
It was a schedule, and at the top he had boldly written, “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.”This person had actually taken the time to sit down and plotted out my entire week according to what Steve, a single man with no dating experience, believed I ought to do in order to “improve” as a wife.
Every day at five in the morning, I was meant to get up and make Jake a fancy breakfast. I would then spend an hour at the gym to “stay in shape.”Following that? A fun list of tasks to complete: laundry, ironing, and cleaning. That was everything before I departed for my job.
Every night I was expected to make a homemade dinner and serve gourmet snacks to Jake and his buddies when they came over to hang out. I wasn’t even sure where to begin with how offensive and sexist the entire thing was.
I found myself gazing at him, questioning whether my spouse had gone insane.”This is going to be fantastic for both of us,” he said, unaware.”Steve says it’s critical to keep things organized, and I believe you would benefit from—” “What could I gain from this?” I cut in, sounding dangerously composed. Jake blinked, startled by the interruption, but he straightened out fast.
“Well, you know, from following a schedule and receiving some guidance.” I wanted to ask him if he had become despondent and toss the paper in his face. Rather, I did something that even startled me: I grinned.”You’re correct, Jake,” I remarked kindly. “You making this schedule for me is really fortunate. Tomorrow, I’ll get started. His face showed quick relief.
I got up and put the list on the fridge, almost feeling sorry for him. Nearly. He was clueless about what was ahead. I couldn’t help but smile the following day as I looked over the absurd schedule once more. If Jake believed he could present me with a list of “improvements,” he was going to discover the true limit of structure in our lives.
With a fresh document named “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever,” I took out my laptop. Did he wish for the ideal wife? Alright. But excellence came at a price.I started by enumerating everything he had recommended, starting with the gym membership he was so excited about.
It really was hilarious. “A personal trainer costs $1,200.” I giggled a little as I typed.The food arrived next. Jake was not going to be able to afford to eat like a king on our existing shopping budget. Everything organic, non-GMO, and free-range? That was not cheap material. “My monthly grocery budget is $700,” I wrote. He would most likely have to help out with a cooking lesson as well. Well, those were expensive, but then, excellence wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair and laughed to myself, picturing Jake’s reaction to this. I wasn’t done, though. The pièce de résistance, oh no, was yet to come.You see, I couldn’t possibly balance all of these demands and keep my job at the same time. Jake would have to make up the difference in my pay if he wanted me to devote all of my time to his ridiculous schedule.
I opened a calculator and calculated how much my income would be. Then I put it on the list with the following tiny notation: “$75,000 annually to replace Lisa’s salary as she will now work as your personal assistant, maid, and chef full-time.” At this point, laughing pained my stomach.I also added a suggestion that he should expand the house just to be safe.
Ultimately, if he planned to host his friends on a regular basis, they would want a designated area that wouldn’t interfere with my just arranged, incredibly regimented existence. “$50,000 to construct a different’man cave,’ so Jake and his buddies don’t interfere with Lisa’s work hours.”
The list was a work of art by the time I finished. Undoubtedly a logistical and expensive headache, but nevertheless a masterwork. It was a wake-up call as much as a counterattack.I completed printing it, placed it neatly on the kitchen counter, and bided my time until Jake returned home.
He was feeling quite well when he finally came through the door that evening.He shouted out, “Hey, babe,” and then dropped his keys on the counter. He almost instantly noticed the paper. “What is this?” I watched him pick it up, trying not to chuckle, but maintaining a neutral expression on my face.
“Oh, it’s just a little list I put together to help you become the most amazing husband ever,” I lied.Jake laughed, assuming that I was joining in on his little game. But the smile faded as he skimmed the first few sentences.
He was slowly realizing that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was, and I could see the wheels spinning in his brain. “Wait, what’s going on here?” His eyes widened at the overall sum as he stared at the figures. “A personal trainer for $1,200? $700 for groceries a month? Lisa, what the devil is going on?I crossed my arms and leaned on the kitchen island.You want me to get up at five in the morning, go to the gym, prepare delectable breakfasts, clean the house, prepare dinner, and greet your guests.
I reasoned that we ought to set aside money for everything. Do you agree? As he turned the pages, his face went pale. $75,000 annually? You’re leaving your position? I gave a shrug.”How else am I meant to adhere to your plan? I’m not able to work and be the ideal wife, am I? Perplexed, he gazed at the article.
He was suddenly struck by the magnitude and the ridiculousness of his own demands. His arrogance vanished, to be replaced with the dawning understanding that he had made a grave mistake. “I didn’t mean to say that.” Jake stumbled and gave me a confused look. “Lisa, I apologize for the way things turned out. I had this thought: “What did you think? That like a project, I could ‘better’ myself? Though I spoke calmly, there was genuine hurt in my voice. “Lists and routines aren’t what marriage is about, Jake.
It all comes down to respect. And you’ll have to pay far more than what’s written on that page if you ever try to “fix” me in this way again.Thick and uneasy silence hovered in the air. With a heavy sigh, Jake’s shoulders slumped and his expression softened.”I apologize,” he muttered. “I was unaware of how absurd it was.
Although Steve made it seem reasonable, I can now understand that it’s toxic. Oh my goodness, what an idiot I was. I nodded as I closely observed him. Indeed, you have. Sincerely, have you examined Steve’s life? Why do you think he is qualified to counsel you about marriage based on his life experience? or anything additional?
The expression on his face when my words sank in was invaluable.You’re accurate. Furthermore, he could never afford to live this way. With the back of his hand, he smacked the list. He is unaware of the expenses or the degrading nature of this. Oh Lisa, I think I went too far once more.Yes, but we’ll bounce back. Let’s now torn up that paper and return to equality. With a feeble smile, the stress slightly eased. Yes, let’s carry that out.
I felt like we were back on the same team for the first time in weeks as we tore through the list together.Perhaps this served as the reminder that being in a marriage doesn’t include one partner being “better” than the other. It’s about working well as a team.
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